Tuesday and Anxiety

Too much, too much.

TJ has a bad habit of looking at everything all at once, feeling overwhelmed and then going into avoidance mode. I have always had to help him with cutting things into small sections and moving through it all until, before he knows it, he is done. How do I know what he is feeling/thinking/doing? That is me. I HAVE to see the whole thing...the Big Picture, first...but, I have learned to back up, take a deep breath and either cut things into smaller chunks and doing it that way OR just putting one foot in front of the other and not looking to how far the 'finish line' is...or I might just give up.

I can endure quite a bit of physical pain, too. As long as I know there will be an end. I don't even have to know WHEN it will end...just know that it will.

However, over the last couple of days, things have come at me from all directions faster than I can compute them. I am in a major state of anxiety. I have to sit myself down and concentrate on taking long, slow deep breaths. TRY and get my mind on something else. At least long enough to stave off the panic attacks.

There is nothing really crucial...nothing horrible. Just a basement to continue scrubbing with disinfectant while sorting things out for community garage sale, Goodwill, or garbage. Things HAVE to go.

The realtor was assigned and I talked with her on the phone yesterday. She seems very nice and we get along well. Today I got more house listings in my email from her...nothing really new. But I had to give her some idea of ones that we would be interested in seeing. She is going to set up appointments for me for Thursday.

TJ is going job hunting over the next few days. He is on spring break this week and he made a list (with me) of some places he wants to go fill out applications.

I am still trying to keep up with my homework in my computer class. It is a pain in my...well...neck. I am learning things...but it is one of those hidden prerequisites. It wasn't on my list of classes I had to take BUT if I want to take the two computer classes that are on my list of classes I have to take I have to take THIS class. Sneaky, aren't they? It should be a law that you only have to go to college once. If you have a degree, any advancement or job changes should come with its own training...no more college. I'm sick of it.

I haven't revamped my resume and submitted it yet. I SHOULD be out there looking for a job now. Then all of this stuff gets plopped in my lap. There was a time when I was younger that I would have done it all and not thought anything of it. Today I am feeling very old...or worn out...frayed...whatever you want to call it. The tread is low and I'm in need of new tires. And how about a fresh battery while we're at it?

I think tomorrow I need to sit and find time to draw myself a 'map' of things. Then I can give myself a timeline...divide it all into smaller, more digestible pieces.

Troy is off in Florida. His plane was supposed to leave at 10...it didn't leave until 1. He missed his connecting flight in Atlanta and they had to find him another. The new flight was delayed so he at least had time to get something to eat. He finally reached his destination...5 hours later than he was scheduled to. The last time he had to fly out to California for some training they lost his luggage. I think I'd walk.